A Tale of Two Hanks (March 6th, 2004)

--Dodge "Flamin' Pimp-Stick" Coffin
--Hank "Old man taint" Reardon
--Simon "Thespian grenadier" Moon
--Omeed "Maybe family obligations will save my life" Connelly
--Jack "This nickname space for rent" Sims
--Nathan "Dog of War" Blank
--Ryan "Seen worse in an inner city school" Cahill

We arrive on the road to the mansion in the swamp. As we approach the gate, one of us checks the gate. My dog, Crowly, detects men hidden in the woods on the other side of the gate. Jack pinpoints them by their life force and Hank pinpoints them by their possession of gun powder. In fact, we are each given a bullet so that he can track on us if necessary by sniffin' for gunpowder.

With our knowledge of the enemy presence, Omeed and Dodge set to dropping over the walls while we prepare to drive the cars through the gate. Hank pretends we are having car trouble and pokes around under the hood. Finally, Jack is thrown into sympathetic fits by his life-sense because he is locked in on the men when one of them is riddled with bullets by omeed. A short fight breaks out in which they have absolutely no problem taking out the four men in the woods. People in the house radio to find out what's going on. We don't manage to fool them into thinking it was an accidental discharge. On to the mansion!

Along the road we discover the bridge/tressel has been turned in preperation of our approach. Between omeed's t-port and the mechanics of Hank, they get the bridge turned and then break the thing so that they can't turn it back again. We get onto the bridge and cross. At the house we see men in the windows. We continue to drive around the blind side of the house where several of us jump out. Jack is the only one to take a serious spill, but he eventually gets up. The people holed up in the house don't seem distracted by our driving antics outside. On my second lap around the house in my car, Sayed lays down some fire... literally, fire! My superb driving skill saves me and my car, though my dog is slightly scorched.

Jack scales the outside of the building. Dodge & Hank break the rear window (the only one on ground level) and try to lay down fire inside. Simon, Ryan, Nathan, & Crowley the wonder dog try to approach around the front without drawing fire. Hank gets upstairs and enters through a window; he is promptly attacked by a gigantic blast of fire that hurts him pretty good. By the time the group of us get to the front, Dodge has climbed in through the window and charged a gunman and sliced him to ribbons. I come up with a plan for us non-combatants... sorta. I kick open the door and Simon (who is more "dramatic") should call out fire-in-the-hole and throw a rock to distract the other guy (who will otherwise have a free shot at either us as we enter or at Dodge, who is now in the open. It works, causing him to duck and cover, whereupon Crowly charges and bites the man. He is shortly subdued. Ryan runs upstairs and starts bustin' caps in the badguys in the upper hallway. The whole mess is over with shortly as one guy tries to escape... by running through the woods while pursued by a man who can see in the dark and with x-ray vision, an indian tracker, and a hunting dog. Hah! Fat chance.

In the mansion we discover those scepters that we left behind when we first saw them at sayed's place, and downstairs we discover another female prisoner.

We search the island and easily find the ceremonial area. Picture a big obelisk in the center of a clearing that appears to have been cleared of vegetation by some sort of alien radiation. We set up a plan for arriving here again, pick our landing spot, etc. Then we depart the island, having burned Sayed's body.


We sneak across the swamp in the night, like Washington crossing the Deleware... if he was covered in Wyvern Pee. On the other side we take up positions and wait for the ceremony. Slowly they filter in, in groups, until there are 70 people there for the chaos. The plan: I spot Gavigan and then light him up with a bright spotlight so that the others can gun him down. Just before I do so, Ryan tells us to hold. We are then witness to three of those ugly insect-like things, much like the one we encountered in the first game, flying down and scooping up people and ripping them apart. The eager crowd embraces the ripping, strangely enough. Four involuntary victims are attached to the obelisk and are quit obviously drugged. The sky opens up and we can see through the fissure that the dark gods are looking down upon us.

THEN... from out the far edge of the clearing, runs the madness that is... TWIN HANK! Another Hank Reardon comes running in, only he's the buff version, like Montalban as Kahn. He calls out instructions to us as he weilds some strange axe of otherworldly green metal and slices the heads off of people in the crowd. Much of the crowd is immobilized by the sight of their gods, but a few move to action as we encroach on Gavigan. The Gav seems quite bullet-resistant. Twin Hank tells us to forget the guns and slice him up, so we all try to move in. Many of us must fact others before we can get to Gavigan. Simon tries to rescue the people tied to the obelisk. Mad-dog Crowly chews up Gavigan pretty good, but is nearly cut down for his troubles, knocked to the incapacitated level. He's the only one to go fully down of our band before Gavigan is cut down. As he lays there dying, the ground begins to shake, and we all realize that the dark gods will soon be coming down; We've gotten their attention. We have enough time to pull loose of a few of the thugs who have not yet run and Simon gets one of the sacrifices free. Twin Hank is chewed up like so much tobacco.

We escape the evil island while those who were still transfixed by their gods were undoubtedly eaten. On the way back, Crowly is made into stakes and served with a side of baby harp seal. Er, I mean, Jack Sims heals him before he dies and the group departs.